Time for a whiny, frustrated post. If you are disgusted by such things, now would be the time to avert your eyes. When did I stop working? Or even caring about working? I used to eat, drink, sleep, breathe school. I was a procrastinator then, but a dedicated one. I had no problem staying up till 2 AM or getting up at 4 AM to finish homework at the last minute. And I always felt gratified by a completed assignment. It's understandable how one would become fed up with tiny busy work assignments. But to not even care when a paper that is half of your grade is due? What's wrong with me? Even now, I'm sitting here, thinking to myself, "You took the day off from school to finish this paper. Why aren't you doing it? Wouldn't it be so easy to just go down to the car, get the stuff out of the backseat, bring upstairs and start typing?" But the thing is, it isn't. Somewhere along the way in the past year or two, I've completely lost my motivation. I don't even have a scrap of it left anymore. My ACT score made me cry, because before I got it, I was afraid I might not even get as far as getting into college, much less paying for it. How is that the ACT can make me so happy, yet I have no desire to keep up with my schoolwork? Does that make sense? At all? Because it doesn't to me. I want to get out of high school so badly. I want to go to college somewhere away from Murfreesboro. For some reason, though, I just can't make myself take the steps to get there. In the second semester of sophomore year, I had an excuse. My mom was hospitalized very suddenly, was unconcious and on a breathing machine for almost a month. Everyone was certain she was really going to die. (She has had many narrow misses before.) I stopped doing my homework. Started going to Nashville to see her two or three times a week after school. I was also still on rifle team at the time, so that took up two or three afternoons a week. It was the middle of winter too, right after Christmas. So it would make sense that a 15 year old would get a little mopey and start slacking off. My mom came home from the hospital in February. She recovered. She was weaker, but she was fine. I should have been fine too. But I didn't. I got a D for a six weeks of art I. I failed a six weeks of English. I flunked my last big chem test, barely scraped a C for the six weeks and a B for the semester. After a summer off with my mom just fine I should have been back to my studious self, yes? No, apparently. Straight Ds across the board in physics - not because I didn't understand it, but because I would never do homework. I couldn't keep up with pre cal. I never knew what was going on. I started not doing my Latin homework too. Again, I did just dandy on tests and quizzes, but it's the homework that got me. I almost had to take the second semesters of phsyics and Latin over in my senior year, but I passed thanks to the mercy of Daniel and Denning. This year started out pretty good. I was back to A's and B's. I hit honor roll for both the first and the second six weeks. But the third? All of a sudden I'm back to junior year. I'm up to my eyeballs in econ homework that I haven't done. I have a research paper, due today, that I skipped today to complete. I have a 2 page JROTC paper that was due today that I also skipped to complete. I have two rolls of film, six prints, two mounts, and two collages that I never did for photo. What's wrong with me all of a sudden? | 
